Programming for Dummies

My programming skills are lacking.

I've been exposed to programming concepts. I've worked on various small projects in the past. I remember using POKE and PEEK on a Commodore 128d in C64 mode to make simple games...yes, I'm that old. But I've not used COBOL.

In that general timeframe I remember using various dialects of BASIC on the TRS-80 and Apple II (let's loop and keep adding one to the variable to see how high it can count and this is AMAZING!) Then there was QBASIC on DOS (let's loop and keep adding one to the variable to see how high it can count and oh my gawd this is SO MUCH FASTER IT'S AMAZEBALLS!)

By the time college rolled around I started using C++, with a little Visual Basic and PERL thrown in. I excelled, of course, in none of these. Once I had the degree in hand I felt I had reached a juncture; systems administration work, or pursue a more programming-focused path.

I'm not sure exactly why I chose the work I do. It might be because at the time I enjoyed working at the small ISP in the area, which had me working on repairing computers and working on administration-type work. From there I slid into systems work for the severely weird world of public education.

Neither of these particularly called for programming expertise, and coming from a rural area, there wasn't much call for technology jobs, let alone a programming career. And before someone says it, this was also before work-from-home was becoming acceptable in tech jobs.

The closest I've come to a need to program as a profession was teaching a few intro courses in Java and Visual Basic at a community college. That in itself is a learning experience. If nothing else it reinforced the idea that unless you've taught others a subject they had little to barely any interest in while you're accountable for their learning outcome, you really need to keep quiet your opinion on what teachers in schools deal with.

"But if you wanted to be a programmer, you would have done it on the side as a hobby!"

I suppose there are programmers for whom the bug is an obsession. Or the DEbug. Haha! I slay me!

But I think as with many things the need or interest in programming runs a spectrum. And I don't know where I am on that spectrum. I'm not a programmer and never claimed to be one...but I loved the feeling that came from suddenly understanding the solution to a problem in the logic of a program, or having the program cleanly compile and not explode with a runtime error. There's something magical about that "click" moment when the comprehension pours over your brain like chocolate syrup over a dome of vanilla ice cream. Yummy, yummy comprehension.

Plus I was creating something out of cold, pure logic. Everything worked by a set of rules hidden behind the interface presented to the user. It was an art. I was a brain damaged Picasso using bytes as a medium.

But when I considered doing something more ambitious I would freeze. True programmers were good. They always seemed to be ten steps ahead of my understanding. That learning curve wasn't a curve, it was a fucking mountain. The idea of trying to actually becoming fluent in a programming language was intimidating.

So I didn't.

Now I work for a web company in their IT department. You may have heard of us; we run a site called StackOverflow. Is this irony or a sign?

The urge to program is bubbling again. Of course the intimidation factor is ramped up even more; we have some extremely talented people working here, and programming tends to be a field dominated by meritocracy. Showing one of our programmers a code sample and asking for feedback would be like taking a bacon sandwich to a master chef and hoping the offense to his palette didn't leave him vomiting. Programmers are not known for gentle tutelage or taking an apprentice under his or her wing.

I think a second factor to my hesitance is a fear of failure. To take on a project or goal and fall flat on my face? Yikes! Whatever meager credibility I've collected over time would suddenly evaporate in a big cloud of stinky fail.

I've spent the past year having to deal with a few personal demons; nagging voices and doubts. I managed to go through my first year at StackExchange without getting fired (always a plus!) I decided to play a little more with that old programming bug.

If nothing else I should at least be reacquainted with that magical, "Holy shit! It compiled!," moment.

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