Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Some Tips for Visiting New York City

My parents have mentioned coming to the city sometime. I've been thinking of things they should probably know before arriving.

Now, I'm not one to really give in-depth primers on how to live in the city. I've only been here a few months, and it's not really even my "home," as far as I'm concerned, if for no other reason than my family is not here to share in the fun trials and tribulations that accompany living in the concrete jungle. I've not even left the confines of Manhattan with the exception of a trip to IKEA and another to Coney Island and one company sponsored trip to New Jersey, which I don't count because it's Jersey.

I do think I can give some advice for people coming to the Big Apple from a rural area as to what to expect here, or at least to make the visit more pleasant.

Keep an eye on the sidewalk. If there's liquid, and you don't see a guy with a hose spraying the sidewalk nearby (yes, there's a lot of them in front of stores) assume it isn't something you want to track into your apartment. Avoid it.

There's a lot of neat things to see in the city that you don't see in rural towns. And there's landmarks and movie icons and statues and all sorts of shinies and vendors vending weird stuff. But for the love of $DEITY, don't stop in the middle of the damned sidewalk to stare at them. Step to the side. Let the crush of rushing New Yorkers walk by.

See the guy with the big camera staring at nothing in particular in the distance? That's a tourist. They're also called "targets." Great for people hawking all sorts of weird crap and pickpockets to make a profit. Not looking and acting like a tourist will lower the chances you'll be pegged as an easy target.

Get to know the subway system. It's your friend. And get to know it before going into the subway. Just as staring at landmarks with an expensive camera dangling from your neck can label you an easy mark, standing in the middle of the platform (STEP TO THE SIDE...just not the side with the yellow line on the edge) staring with a perplexed look on your face at a map of the subway system will be noticed by certain people.

Be cognizant of your wallet. Keep a hand on it. Be aware of the pressure of it against your body if it's in your pocket. Keep your purse strapped across your body. Be aware of people being a little too close to you when they don't have to be, or brushing up against you when passing, or being stopped by a stranger for a conversation. You don't need to take paranoid measures to protect yourself, but a little awareness goes a long way to preventing you becoming a statistic.

Things are expensive here. You can find deals and steals (sometimes literally) if you look around, but overall, you're going to find prices higher than average. Be ready for it. You can't do anything about it. Bitching won't help. Sometimes you have to lower your standards, and it's not a necessarily bad thing.

Cabs are a treat. Not the norm. I know you expect cabs to be heavily used, since you see them all the time on TV. Truth is the subway system sucks for filming and cabs are EXPENSIVE; you pay for the convenience of not having to walk farther and travel to your destination immediately, hindered by traffic rather than a crush of people on the platform. Unless your rent is in the upper four figures per month, you probably won't use cabs all the time, although I'm sure there are people who use a large percent of their income to not ride public transportation and live in dumpy apartments.

Don't stare at people. There's a common warning to not look people in the eye in New York City; DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT! I've heard this a lot regarding the subway. The truth is you can make eye contact for brief periods of time, just don't maintain it. Like predators in the prairies, this is interpreted to be some kind of invitation for discussion at best and a challenge at worst. If they see it as an invitation, you may be regaled with reasons why our President is an alien lizard or the government is covering up CIA agents drugging the populace, or if they see it as a challenge you may end up wondering if you're about to be stabbed. If you commit this faux pas, the best thing to hope for is they'll think you're just creepy and ignore you.

Speaking of which, get a good pair of headphones or earbuds. These things are excellent tools for ignoring people in a socially acceptable manner here. In small towns you're considered "rude" for tuning people out with headphones. Here, it's the best way to walk past people trying to shove newspapers into your hands as you pass by, or pretending you didn't see the homeless person sprawled on the subway platform, or the person loudly begging for change or food as they traverse the moving subway train (pro tip: if the doors between subway cars open and someone, anyone, emerges from the door, look away immediately. It's going to be very uncomfortable if you encourage them in any way. Nothing good has ever come from the intra-car doorway.)

Don't just stop. I mentioned sidewalks earlier. This also applies in other situations, like escalator rides and stairways. If you are going to stop to look at something, or check your phone, or whatever catches your attention, step to the side.

Conversely, you'll get further if you learn appropriate rudeness. I usually try to step to the side when passing someone. But after a few months in New York, I've come to realize that sometimes, in some situations, there's a kind of social animal contest that emerges, a contest for dominance. People will purposely bump you when crossing the street. They'll shove in stores where space is already a premium. They know full well they're doing it, too. While I'm not advocating sending female joggers sprawling across the asphalt, there is a certain amount of respect to be gained by asserting that this space is my space, and I'm not backing down, you punkass self-centered hipster jerk. The occasional grazing of shoulders to drive the point home that you're not going to be bullied into moving out of someone else's way when there's plenty of space for the other person to maneuver brings some additional respect. Or it pisses them off and they stab you. Either way you have some pride left intact.

(To be clear, I'm not talking about intentionally ramming people. That would be stupid and make you an ass. I'm saying that if you're clearly walking in one direction, and someone else is intentionally trying to scare you into side stepping, there's something to be said for just staying your course. You get a sense of this after interacting with strangers for awhile.)

Oh, and try looking into something else to do in the city that doesn't involve Times Square. There are things there I like, to be sure; Chevy's is an indulgence, for example, and my son enjoys the toy store. I also enjoy once in awhile seeing the costumed performers trying to fleece me for cash in exchange for photos. Overall, Times Square is still a huge tourist trap. Huge. As in, crushing amounts of people with rolling suitcases filling the sidewalks, staring at the lights, oblivious to people who are actually trying to get somewhere. I get it, there's lots to see, there's lights, there's the big shiny New Year's ball, it's really neat but please for the love of $DEITY if one more damned suitcase rolls over my foot I'm going to shove it up your Metro pass. This place is rife with street vendors and while the constant police presence has helped with the issue, I'm not entirely convinced it's not a target-rich environment for pickpockets. How can it not be? These people are wandering around staring at the top of skyscrapers and blinky billboards.

Those are the big tips off the top of my head. I'm sure there are other things I've picked up...oh, the surprises of just trying to live here alone could fill a couple blog entries, I'm sure. But for now these simple tips can greatly improve your expectations of visiting the city when you're from a small rural town...

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