Conversation by Meme

Wikipedia defines a "meme" as "an idea, behavior, or style that spreads from person to person within a culture."

I've noticed a trend in people's communication habits that I called, for lack of another term, conversational memes. Terms that act as shortcuts for larger, more complex concepts, often nuanced, only used ad-nauseam until their use (and in some cases definition) become distorted and are triggered by other conversational memes.

To be fair most of these trends seem to be centered in social media sites like Twitter, where there are a contingent of people who steadfastly cling to the notion that nuanced conversations can be had in 140-character hurled chimpanzee turds. While I have no doubt that there are people who have had productive exchanges on Twitter, there are far more conversations that quickly degrade into irrational thinly-veiled attempts to establish dominance in who is more righteous than right.

While I have seen examples of this used repeatedly, a particular exchange got me thinking more about the phenomena.

I have re-read this short bit of exchange several times and I'm afraid I still can't understand the use of "mansplaining" in this example. Mansplaining is supposed to be "(of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing." Was Ishan being condescending? Or even talking down to her? His experiences echo my own; I have not had widespread failure stories come to my attention aside from bluetooth and wifi issues. But somehow suggesting that she may have an edge case on her hands is "mansplaining," and she knows better because she's a software engineer.

Was she right about the buggiest mess? It's certainly an opinion, but anecdotal. I've not encountered huge problems running Yosemite. My users haven't been overly vocal about general problems with Yosemite. So it seems perfectly natural to suggest that someone having many problems is experiencing an edge case. If anything, I've seen more weird shit from systems belonging to technical people because they like to screw around the with the system configuration more often than regular users. The assertion is made that this was simply inaccurate, but there's no information backing this up. (I know, people hate to be told they need to back up the assertions they make, it makes them a victim, it's victim blaming to ask them to show evidence to back up a statement...)

I went to Twitter and asked about the use of "mansplaining." I only had one response and it was from someone saying they've never had someone give him a good (or consistent?) definition. Which would fit in with my biased observation nicely...mansplaining, like so many other terms, has devolved to a word triggered by "this person appears to be male and is expressing doubt in my claims." This triggers the response of "mansplainer!"

Not only is this unhelpful but it also destroys the true use of the word. In order for something to be attributed to "mansplaining" you have to have to have an understanding of the motive behind the alleged mansplainer. Somehow this term is thrown around an awful lot when based on a 140 word brain fart.

But perhaps I'm basing this on a position of privilege. After all according to this website checking one's privilege, "roughly speaking, ["check your privilege"] is a way of telling a person who is making a political point that they should remember they are speaking from a privileged position, because they are, for example, white, male, heterosexual, able-bodied or wealthy."

Privilege as a term was once again tossed into my Twitter feed when Richard Dawkins mentioned an article discussing three professors launching a "Check Your Privilege" campaign that specifically wants white, heterosexual, able-bodied, Christian or male individuals to recognize they have "unearned access to social power based on membership in a dominant social group."

"If you don't have to think about it, it's a privilege." 

I'm not quite sure what this campaign aims to do. The criteria overlaps so much of the population, it's almost ridiculous to claim that you're not, in some way, privileged. At best it's a reminder that when you speak, your perspective may be colored by your life experiences and position in life. It implies a criticism of who you are...but by definition you didn't do anything to put yourself in that position. But the more I read that article, the more it sounded like someone reminding everyone that they have something better than someone else. "Buck up! Don't be sad! At least you're not like <points out someone less fortunate>!"

But like mansplaining, privilege is a word thrown around by trigger words and criteria. Basically your statements are irrelevant if you are speaking from a position that is different than the person offended. They may even accuse you holding a particular viewpoint because you're entitled.

"Entitled: to give (a person or thing) a title, right, or claim to something; furnish with grounds for laying claim." Most of the meme-users seem to prefer accusing people with the Google adjective definition of "believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment." When used in memesque conversation, however, entitlement is a way of accusing someone that that person believes that have some right to do or say something. It's a small but critical difference; the word is thrown around so often that it basically means you dared to think you were allowed to do something. 

The difference is the distinction between feeling you have the right to happiness versus a right to pursue happiness. To the people flinging the word around meme-space, it makes no difference, and it makes no practical difference to them. The very use of the word is something meant to break the conversation into an ad hominem accusation or question of your motives. Your argument is not to be heard not because it lacks merits but because the source is somehow tainted.

At that point you're derailing the conversation, another phrase bandied about freely.  The definition of derailment is to take a conversation about a particular issue and instead guiding it into a separate, only tangentially related subject. If you bring up something that as a topic intersects with the subject, however, you'll still be accused of attempting to derail a conversation. In many cases of meme-use it is tossed at someone questioning anything from the offended party. Asking a question they don't like is a free license to marginalize you for derailing rather than addressing the question or point.

All these and more, in social media circles, are triggered by keywords and attributes. If these triggers (which itself is another memeword...TRIGGER WARNING!) are used, they are then replied to with another keyword, and the conversation becomes a dance from an impromptu script comprised of unhelpful meme exchanges. Avoiding the use of such memes and perhaps...perhaps...you can get an educational exchange. Otherwise, the best way to share your perspective as well as gain insight into other people's experiences is through a medium that allows you to at least attempt to explore a nuanced topic in more than 140 characters.

If you have a comment you can try mansplaining why I'm wrong in the comments, but I warn you that you are probably trying to derail the conversation with your entitled and privileged views. Although at this point it is far far simpler to stop trying to keep up with the latest reasons why everyone is horrible and just try not to be a bad person yourself, because believe me, no matter what you do, someone will be offended and find fault with you.